Sunday December 24th

I am have the whole family over here for the xmas eve bullshit. My sister refused to have it this year. I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t moved back here? I guess there wouldn’t have been anything. My brother left for Egypt this morning, so he’s not going to be here. Brent is coming. That, I don’t understand. If he doesn’t want anything to do with me, then why the fuck is he coming to my house for xmas eve with MY family? No wonder I’m confused. I think any one would be. That is fucking mixed messages. 

I have kind of given up on Brent right now. My depression makes me not even feel like trying. I am tired of getting pushed back down on my ass every single time I try to make an effort with him. I’m just going to stay down here on the ground for a while. 

My mother started in on the stuff with Tess this morning. Ugh. You cannot argue with someone that is irrational. There’s no point. Those fucking hillbilly holy rollers will continue doing what they’ve always done. The welcome sign to the town should say, “Welcome to Barbourville Where You’re Protestant or You’re Wrong”. HahaI guess I cannot understand how those people who claim to love Jesus so fucking much have affair after affair, and get married and divorced again and again, and do all kinds of shady bullshit, but no one cares. Say you’re an atheist and they are all lined up against you calling you Bezelbub. No shit. No fucking shit. I am not even making that up. If you say you’re an atheist, they will call you Satan. I’m pretty sure that if Jesus had been real, he would not have approved of the behavior in Barbourville. I’m thinking it would have pissed him off pretty good to see how those people act. Racist, anti-gay, anti-Semite, anti-Catholic, anti everything that does not perfectly match them. I wonder sometimes how I made it out. 

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