Christmas

It’s been a long emotional weekend for me. Christmas has never been happy for me. I spent this Christmas with hubby’s family and it was very different from anything I ever experienced. I felt so alone, I felt like the outcast because, obviously, I’m so much different from them. They welcomed me but questioned me. I understand, I’m not the friendliest, I’m very socially awkward when it comes to his family. I had three anxiety attacks, I was so overwhelmed, keeping my shit together infront of them was the hardest thing I’ve done in a while. I’m jealous, extremely jealous, of hubby. He has everything I could ask for, an almost perfect loving family. It stings for him to even complain about them, yeah he may have divorced parents, but both sides are as equally loving and supportive. They both love him so dearly and they both don’t have issues with each other. He says there’s nothing to be jealous about because what is his is mine, but he doesn’t understand, I am jealous, they aren’t my blood family. They aren’t my real family. Maybe I have a point, maybe I’m just an asshole, I don’t know. 

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