Christmas; Not alone but lonely

12:59 am. 

As the first hour of this years Christmas passes, it has been made eminent that today will be just the same as any other day. Feelings of loneliness swallow any joy and holiday anxiousness that remained in my tired soul. 

Every year that passes it seems as if Christmas gatherings bring more depression and loneliness then the previous holiday season. Each year i try to display the things that set a tiny flicker of passion in me to my family and they smile and nod as if to “approve” of my life choices and passions. But make no mistake I can see past the shallow attempts of pity straight to the disappointment and lack of care in their eyes. Lonleness creeps into every crevice of my mind just thinking about the remaining 24hours in the holiday weekend. 

Watching my parents, grandparents, and married brother interact with their love brings more loneliness. Reminds me that i still have no one to call my own that gives me that longing look of happiness and love.  

Never alone, but always lonely on Christmas.

 

 

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