Made it through the day without crying until now. ***’s note broke me. During the day I went off to an outlet mall in Niagara with Chris. It was freezing, but so nice and comforting and lovely. Really got my mind off things. I wish I couldn’t saved them. I’d give my life. How sad they must’ve been. I thought if I got through it I might get a tattoo in dedication to all of this. I’m so scared of change…but it’s not for me, it’s for them. I feel so useless.