Christmas has finally come and gone. This time of the yr, is when I want to run and hide. Hide from the world, hide from images of happy families, hide from painful memories, from joyful memories, from missed traditions. It is the hardest time of the yr, because I remember all of the families I have lost. Not lost as in RIP, but families I became apart of through out the years. But no longer am I part of their. I see them living and continuing on, and it breaks my heart one by one. I have a family of my own, my mother. But she now belongs to her husbands family. I don’t belong during these holidays.
I write, so I won't forget. Because one day they may all just disappear. I write to understand myself. To see my growth, and my spiral of down falls. I write, to share with strangers. These are the thoughts I am unable to share with those closest to me. I write, to keep them at bay. Otherwise I will be consumed.