.right now i’m in a bad place

.it’s such a mess that i can’t understand anything

.this place is my head

.i wish i could adjust some stuff in there because i can’t help myself anymore


.i got to the point of my life where there’s nothing

.a black hole eating all of my feelings and wishes

.how to shut it down?

.how to tell someone about it?


.every morning i wake up and i’m already tired

.i ask myself what’s the point of breathing

.i can’t find the answer

.i go to bed and i’m tired again

.every night i fall asleep i wish that it’d be my last time

.and then i wake up in the morning

.this endless circle of life can’t stop


.my life is nonsense, a joke that needs to stop

.i feel hysterical every time i’m out

.i feel bored when i talk to someone

.i feel scared every night when i dream of something

.i feel sick every time i eat

.i feel hopeless most of the time


.i really don’t know what’s this something that’s keeping me here

.maybe i’m just too weak to take my own life 


.i cry for help to my parents because they say they’d listen

.and apparently they don’t

.they just judge me and tell me i’m not that person who they wish i were

.i ask how they’re not tired of living and breathing

.they tell me that i’m weird and wrong

.i cry for help to them because i thought they’d understand and help

.but they didn’t


.i lowkey cry for help to my friends

.they tell me that it’ll pass and i’ll be just fine

.they say that it’s only in my head and i need to shut it off

.they think i’m kidding and fooling around

.it’s not their fault

.it’s mine


.in this new year i’m not asking for money or love and support

.i’m asking for a small reason to breathe and be happy

.because i can’t do this anymore

.i can’t cope with myself

.i can’t handle my head anymore

.i want to end this all right now

.things are bad and they only getting worse

.i’m afraid i can’t deal with this anymore

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