well, here we are. it has been a year. I suppose it is time for me to realize whaever we had might have been good at one time, but we aren’t those people anymore. I am making attempts, though small, at letting go of the memories I clung to out of the fear of forgetting, because I know I will never forget you. I can no longer allow the past to haunt me with “what if” or “maybe.” I am choosing to be happy for you because I know how rare it is to find someone who is willing to stay. I no longer want to hurt at the thought of you not staying. I need to walk away and not look back this time, despite all the moments I want to. I need to come to terms that I can no longer go about thinking we could ever get it right. I need to let go of the constant desire to hear from you. I need and deserve to hear from someone who will choose me and only me. perhaps it is true what they say. maybe it is possible to love each other the best we can, and it still not be enough. it isn’t helping to cling to the wanting and wishing and hoping that one day you realize my love is true. I have come to terms with the reality of never being able to forget someone who gave me so much to remember. but it doesn’t have to hurt me anymore. our love, though difficult, was real and honest. although it was not a love that lasted… it was a love that forever changed me.
I choose to wear my heart on my sleeve. virtually, everyone has labels hanging over them. I would like to remove them, but the truth is, we are all larger than the labels people give us to confine and define us. my soul speaks through images, words, and art; every shutter captures another piece of the soul, converting fragments of my life into memories. I draw lines to cross and wear clothes to take off. I live with friction in my bed and fantasies in my head. I am living an eternal fairytale where everything is coated in love, love and more love. I am flashy, I am deep, and my heart is the centerfold. passion is essential in my life. too many people are simply living but very few are alive. forget about the plastics and the superficial. I want classy, I want trashy. give me anything that breathes with conviction: thinkers, lovers and leaders; people who turn love into paintings, people who turn tears into sonnets, people afraid of life but never afraid to live.