#4

I said to myself id keep up with this journal but I can get lazy at times…what a way to start a new year id say.

Well I haven’t had much to do these past 2 days, one of the guys I’m talking to got drunk asf on new years, and confessed his feelings towards me, he says drunks are always honest but I think that’s a lie, because I myself have been drunk many times and lied. He told me all these sweet things but its all bull…I saw a part of him id never seen before, I saw a good and the bad…mostly bad because he’s a cocky son of a bitch. He tells me that my age is the only thing that bothers him, like Jesus Christ, its only 3 years older. I just think he’s scared, I mean why wouldn’t anyone be, loving someone can either turn out great or be a complete shit show, especially when its a long relationship. I think males have this mind set about girls when they get their first heart break, they think females are all the same, which makes them insecure and scared. Its a stereotype I guess. One of my teachers (Male) always told me that I was divergent to other girls because I think like both genders, I guess he meant that in a good way, its like when I start talking to a guy , I already know what’s going through their mind, and no I don’t just mean sex. I figure out how he is and what makes him special… After I figure it out, I try to get them to be their true self around me, but it can be hard because some just don’t want to be judged by others, I mean we do live in a planet full of judgmental people. I always say that peoples opinions don’t matter to me but, deep inside they do, especially when the judgement is coming from a loved one… I’m pretty sure no one is reading this journal or any of my other ones in general but if you are, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with my dramatic, explicit, and cringing teenage life but that’s what a journal is for.

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