It’s been a minute.

It’s been such a long time since I’ve actually put pen to paper and wrote in my diary. To be honest he turned me off writing because after he read my diary a few years back I felt like I had nothing that was just FOR ME anymore. I felt sick when I even tried writing again. I mean, I literally shared everything with him, my dreams, my goals, my feelings – my heart. He never paid any attention to anything I said though. I was emotionally invested in him and our relationship. I did everything I could to make him happy even if it didn’t make me happy at all. I know, silly fucking girl I am. Part of me felt like I knew he wasn’t 100% invested in our relationship the way I was, but still – I stayed, for nearly five years. We have a daughter together, and for some odd reason I stupidly thought that after having her that we would turn into this picture perfect family. We didn’t. Things in the beginning were really good! But then the whole buzz of having a baby wore off for him. I was pretty much a single Mother even though we were together. He would never do things unless I asked him, but when I did ask him all he did was complain like he had it so hard. I would be up so many times during the night to feed her and comfort her and rock her back to sleep while he slept through her cries and MY cries. I cried because it wasn’t fair, he wanted this as much as I did, so why does he get to sleep through the night and wake up feeling refreshed in the morning and I didn’t? Just because he had work the next day wasn’t a good enough fucking excuse to be honest. Oh, and when I say work I mean like, 4 hour shifts. So he would leave two hours early because he had to catch a bus to work and work his shitty 4 hour shift and come back and complain about how he’s so tired and how much his feet hurt and that he just wants to sit back and relax. While I’m looking after our daughter all day and doing my best to keep the house clean and making sure dinner is ready by the time he gets home. Where’s my break though? But apparently being a Mum doesn’t class as fucking job, I think he thought maybe it was a luxury. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a Mum and it’s the most fucking rewarding job ever, but we all know it ain’t all butterflies and rainbows. 

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