late night thought of a firewoman……..1:1

Here we go…..typically i call myself a fireman because among my guys I am accepted.  I am the only girl in a sea of 110 men.  I wish i had started this 13 years ago when i first got on, the change of the girl i was then to the women I am now im sure would be exponential………actually i wish i stated this when internet first began a thing, kids these days will  never know the struggle lol.  I was in 8th grade when yahoo was bigger than google and i felt special cause i had my own email

i dont know how else to express myself without sounding crazy but as the entries go on we will get to know each other.  Like all other girls I have started many journals and diaries but never committed to them, who knows if il even keep up with this one.  This time around Im 34 and single.  I was engaged to (exhibitB), my high school crush, for 7 years, we never pulled the trigger…..more so i never did but that story will come later

There is so much to try and explain, but perhaps i dont need to explain because you are not my thereapist, all though asian michelle says I would benefit from such.   That being said is talking to a therapist like talking to a judgmental friend?  I have to sit here and explain my story, which would take forever to begin with, to get advice based on someones opinion right?  I feel like i know they will tell me my rights and wrongs because i am cognoscente of them so why pay for it?  I dont want to be judged for a stranger about my need for dominant sex

I adopted a dog, and its a huge adult step for me but i got the dog because i was afraid of being a cat lady.  that being said, the dog is a gift from heaven.  I couldnt have gotten a better pup and shes theraputic for my parents…….did i keep her for me or them, sometimes im not sure and its only been 2 weeks, how did i go 7 years engaged.  Speaking of engaged, Brandon was the same bar as me xmas eve, the odds of that are insanly imposible.  What is the universe saying, or what if there is no lesson to learn cause free will is free will.  For all the sick and dying people i have met, what if they asked god for answers and I was there question mark?  Im supposed to be their answers but who will be my answer? 

Stay safe, 

talk soon xoxo

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