126. The holidays….

 So I realized…. I never wrote about my Holidays. Christmas was nothing special, I got snowed in at a friend’s house so I didn’t make it to work, damn country people don’t seem to plow roads. For Christmas dinner I went to James’ house. It was nice, for the most part. The fact Thansgiving wasn’t very family oriented, it hit me hard my mother canceled Christmas dinner, souly because no one wanted to her boy toy to be there. My thought would be she would ask him not to come, maybe spend time with him later, knowing how uncomfortable we all are with this situation. 

               Of course not. 

She takes the biggest offense to it, then cancels Christmas dinner. 


After dinner at James, work called as always, boom that was christmas. 

New years eve, I worked, went got smashed, stayed at a friend’s.


New years day, I celebrated. I got a polar pop, drove into to Cleveland, made a stop at “our spot”. I froze my ass off standing by that lake, but the sight of the city line, the distance scent of your perfume, and the memories of your laugh, the way you smiled, made every butter cold second worth it. 

I feel like Noah, from the notebook. Any body laying next to me, is just that, norhing more than filling a void. Their just not good enough…… I’m building this house to fill it with memories….that will never be anything more then ghosts….but….i still build it…. Why? Hope. Ive written hundreds of letters, trying to find the perfect way to say I’m sorry. It’s never good enough. 

Over active heart…..-insert eye roll here-


On Thursday last week, which would have been the…..28th? I got a great voicemail. How ever I didn’t realize I received said voicemail until Saturday. 

A while back I applied for Abco, a hood Cleaning and fire protection company. The interview went great the guy said he liked me, how ever I never received a called back, until now. This job is exactly what I’ve been looking for and needing. It is also a lot closer to where I live now, and will also keep me from having to move to the east side. I can also pretty much afford any house, or apartment I want. The only down fall is, I’ll have to stay in this house a little longer so I can establish proof of income and what not. 

If I can even settle on a house or area I want to live in… I have more options now. The fact I’ve been picky is only going to get worse…but bring it on! 

New fucking everything! 


One thought on “126. The holidays….”

  1. Say what you need to say. It may be the closure you need to move on.

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