Trying something new

It’s about 5 am and I should probably be asleep but I have way too much on my mind and I’m stressed. I just need a way to vent out what I want to say to people who don’t know me. I find that when I vent about my relationships to anyone I know they get judgemental on the person I’m venting about and just makes a big mess of things. If I vent to my friend about my bf too much about things she will start to not like him and I just want to vent while I’m upset, I’m not looking to get rid of my bf. Or if I say things to my family it will change the way they see him and I just don’t want that. Learned that the hard way. I’ve been with my bf for a year and it’s getting to be unhappy. We are engaged. I just feel like I am putting in all the effort in the relationship to talk things out and discuss important topics and concerns. What I get back is frustration and a neglect to talk about it. If I was in a relationship that wasn’t this serious to me and the same situation I would have probably discussed breaking up. And as much as it seems like such an easy way to look at what I SHOULD do it’s a lot more difficult. I love him and I feel like we are engaged means something and I should try everything I can to make it better. Anyways, I’m thinking of moving to school 3 hours from where I live in a new program for something I see myself doing for the rest of my life that I will enjoy doing. I’m in my third year of university right now. I have about 2 more years left since I don’t take a full course load. And 2 extra years if I want the job I really want in the program I’m currently in. Anyways i haven’t known at all what I want to do with my degree once I’m done and anything I’ve searched doesn’t seem to appeal to me as much as the program I’m interested that’s 3 hours away. His response when I told him was that he wasn’t happy about it if I had to go live there for 4 years of school. Also that I wouldn’t be very good at it and that I’m not fit enough for that type of job for people to take me seriously. That hurt my feelings. I really think he is scared I will be there and find someone else. He argues that there’s a lot of options in our city and I’m already 3 years into my program and I should just find something to do in it here. And this program is only offered at this city 3 hours away in the whole province. So it’s not like I can go to a university here and do what I want. I haven’t been fully happy with my program and if it was up to me I would have dropped school and just worked to earn money but I didn’t feel like that was an option to not to disappoint people so I just stayed in the program I was in since I hadn’t found anything better and it still was comfortable and I had some interest in it. I sent him a few texts because I said I wanted to meet up to talk about it and he said he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore since we already did and I also said I wanted to talk about us. And that’s when he responded saying what about us now and how I always want to talk about us and that means I’m not happy. So I sent him a bunch of text saying pretty much how I think he should be more supportive and less selfish for limiting me in my education and what I want to do. Especially when it can benefit us both in the future. Also that we need to talk and communicate more especially about important things and how we feel and what we want and expect. I’m supposed to talk to him in person soon but I’m nervous that I’ll say something I might regret. Like taking a break. I’m so tired. 

One thought on “Trying something new”

  1. I feel you should do what brings you happiness. If you can maintain your relationship and attend the school out of town you should. Life is funny sometimes and you never know how things at times work out. Pray and meditate on it to clear your mind. He seems a bit insecure as if he feels he has not been on his A game as a bf and you’ll find someone better

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