Day 14 January 4,2018

Well tomorrow is the day for court for the order of protection. 9am and I’m scared to death. Don’t know why but I am. I pray there is not a lot of people there. I have my folder with all my printed off pics of injury’s I have gotten from Red. I have the voice recordings also. I’m gonna tell them how he needs mental help not jail cause it’s true he does need mental help and he is refusing to get it. I haven’t ate all day and I’m not even hungry. I have no appetite. I have 4 methadone left and I’m scared cause I know when I run out I’m gonna be so sick and there’s nothing I can do about it. I don’t buy them off the street so that’s not an option. Oh lord there is gonna be hard times ahead and I’m scared to death of everything. I have so much on me right now. I can’t pay my cable and internet bill   And it’s gonna keep adding up till they cut it off at $500. Hannah is staying with my mom tonight so I’m home alone again. I feel so so scared of everything that is to come in my life. I feel like a nervous wreck and I’m pretty sure I’m having ptsd. I don’t know what to do anymore. Me and Hannah had a talk today about her being disrespectful and she said she would do better. I hope so. I just feel literally sick to my stomach. 

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