It’s technically January 5th, but I haven’t gone to sleep yet so it’s still the 4th in my brain. Sleep isn’t coming easy tonight. I dated a guy for just over three years, and he broke up with me a week ago. Today we exchanged our stuff, and the finality of everything is just hard for me. I’m pretty proud of myself though, because I only cried for about a minute before sitting down at my desk and finding something to edit on my fake photoshop program.
I am on my first dating app, and honestly it’s not as awesome as people say it is. I’m kinda realizing how prejudice it is, because the whole premise of this app is to judge people on how they look (I mean, you can look at bios, but I have the feeling most people don’t look at the bios and just go off the pictures). But if you point that out on the app in your bio, no one swipes like on you (I know I did this to a couple of people while drunk last night because it just seemed pretentious in my drunken mind). But it does feel nice to get a message every so often where it literally is just “You’re soooo pretty”. Like, thanks, my pictures are all of my chest and up because I’m self-conscious, but thanks. I mean, I also get those messages from people that are like “You’re fat why’d you swipe on me”, like YOU SWIPED FIRST. Okay, I’m salty. I guess I’m just picky because I want to talk to people before uhh, hooking up. I’m just weird. Sometimes I do wish I could use it for hooking up (I’ve literally been on the app since Saturday and I am going back and forth on this issue). Dating apps are just weird.
However, I think due to this dating app I am being introduced to many different people that exist. For some reason I keep matching people across the world, but even those in my area are interesting. It’s funny to think that all of these people exist around me, but I’m so wrapped up in my own world that I haven’t noticed these people are actually within the world. It’s kinda surreal. It’s like when you watch a YouTuber for years and years, and finally meet them in person and it’s like… YOU ACTUALLY EXIST OMG. I feel like that doesn’t make sense. I also feel like I’m rambling. I ramble a lot. My thoughts just being thrown into this text box and I’m just doing a weird version of free association writing while this random YouTube video plays on my headphones in the background while my dog snores at me.
It’s literally 43 degrees outside and I feel like I’m freezing. Last night it was in the teens. Gotta love living near the coast in Texas. People literally were crying because there was snow twice this year. But then again people say when there is a huge hurricane, that it’s going to snow the same year. I have a lot of feelings right now that I’m trying to ignore. Maybe I can freeze them away and pet my dog.
There is literally a stuffed bulbasaur next to me while I write this.