day one

   So this is my first time doing an online journal, i’m a bit nervous because I’ve only ever done traditional paper and pen journals. I hope this will be more secure and private.

   Today is the 6th day I’ve been off of “drugs”. No one else in my family considers this an accomplishment. But they don’t know what it like, so i cant really blame them. My family is very close minded. They don’t question what people tell them. They are very smart but the fact that they are so naive makes them dumb. They don’t battle the demons that i know way to well, they don’t wear the mistakes they make on there body like i do. (forgot to mention i have very bad self harm scars on my arms and legs. they are so graphic that ive actually visited a plastic surgeon in hopes that i can one day get them removed but so far i haven’t had much luck)

    Its hard to talk about the things im going through because i know that they dont make sense to the people reading them because they don’t know my past, but explaining it would be hard and would take to long. ill try to sum it up though.

    So basically i moved to a new town in the 4th grade. nobody likes me at this town and it resulted in me being bullied. The bullies such such horrible things about me for so long that i started to believe them. I tried to convert my emotional pain to physical pain through self harm and ended up getting badly addicted and sent into many different corrupt facilities where they doped me up on drugs, physically and emotionally abused me, and just made my life a living hell. Its overall kinda hard to talk about because some of the things that happened were very traumatizing. in my next journal maybe ill try to share some hospital stories that give me a hard time.

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