Jan. 7th. 2018 BINGO!

Yesterday I had a blast with G ( My Bio-Father). We went to BINGO. It was my first time playing Bingo in a hall like that. He paid for the cards, so for me it was just for fun. We won a total of $16 between us. I havn’t laughed that hard in a long time. SO much fun with him. I got in shit for taking a video. I had no idea it was even illegal to do that. We got in trouble to talking to much by a crankly old lady. We dabbed the wrong set of cards for 2 whole games! We will defiantly go back, but probably with someone who knows what they are doing.  A few stray thoughts popped into my head last night at the Bingo. 1. I have had more quality time with G in 4 months, then I have with J (Guy who raised me) in 27 years. and that was a mixed feelings realization. 2. I called G ‘Dad’ for the first time last night. it just sort of slipped out. I realized too right after I said it. It was as if my Brain said “Hey I didn’t give you authorization to say that” and my heart replied “You have been overruled”. We had a blast though. Good memories! 

When I got home, Husband and I decided to watch Guardians of the Galaxy 2. I haven’t seen #1. however, I could follow the story line ok none the less. I actually enjoyed it, it was my style of comedy. Until I realized that the entire movie was about the main character having 2 dads.. one he knew about one he didn’t. and the new dad comes into his life, hands him the universe, gains his trust, only to be deceived. And his old dad, comes back into his life and saves him. FML. honestly?! SERIOUSLY? Yeah…. that movie completely fucked me up for a few hours. I am still kind of shaken up by it. I get it, ok..it’s a movie.. cinima, hollywood, CGI whatever.. but the story itself just got to me.

I went to breakfast with my mom this morning, I wanted to talk to her about it. She was in one of her weird moods though. Argumentative, sensitive etc.. She quit smoking (again) recently.. and her attitude doesn’t look good on her. So I decided it wasn’t the opportunity to bring it up. I don’t think I ever will. Not like I can talk to J about it.. I haven’t talked to him .. well ever really emotionally.. but last time we text each other was when everything came to light about G. 4 months ago. Not like we really text much before then.

He left my mom 7 years ago. He left the house and left a note. He took off to be with another woman. He moved 5 hours away and didn’t call or text me for 4 years. Finally he did call, however it was only to bitch about his life. I lost alot of respect for him about a month after he left my mom he took her off his drug plan (without informing her) so she went to go get her meds at the drug store (Her AIDS medication btw) they wouldn’t give it to her unless she paid $2000. My mom needs those meds to live. Her and I had to scramble to come up with the money. In my eyes, that’s as close to murder as you can get. Yet, for some reason when he called 4 years later, I had tears of joy in my eyes just listening to his voice. I missed him. I missed his voice, I missed the fact that he cared.. I just missed him. YES he called just to bitch about his life.. but for a brief 4 hours.. I was his daughter, and he needed to talk to someone and he choose me.

He called me on and off for a couple of months, again just to bitch. Literally..that’s all it was. I dealt with it. He was in a relationship at the time. His girlfriend msged me and said she didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore with him because he was verbally abusive. My first thought “Oh.. hunni.. I know…” What did I say? “Yeah, he was like that with my mom too. Run…” LMFAO.. I don’t know why I said that. It’s the truth.. but at the time I wasn’t concerned about J. I was concerned about her. I witnessed the toll J can have on a woman, my mother and myself included. I didn’t want her to suffer thinking she can change him. He is who he is. It was a hoes before bros moment. My Father or not, I don’t put up with abuse. Anyway, it got back to him that I told her to leave him, and J didn’t like that, cue another couple years of him not speaking to me. I’m used to it now…

What I am trying to get used to now, is having a father that cares…

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