Still Wondering….

I still don’t understand why someone would do what they did as there is nothing to gain. There is no info. there….Anyway. I took the day off unexpectedly today. I knew that I will have tomorrow off and well what the heck to have an extra 2 days off this week. Although it’s a short shift today it’s still more comfortable to stay in the house away from the world. I listened to a repeat podcast about Gratefulness and how we look at the struggle of life and we think that others have it better and the like…After spending most of my adult life trying to fix my situation and finding it a whole waste of life, I don’t buy any of it yet I do understand and yeah it would work. But I’m tired and don’t really feel like trying to fix anything and have fallen in the pit I tried so hard to get out of and really just hung on the ledge just under the opening of the hole to the light. I’ve fallen farther down to different ledges through the yrs and have worked my self back up a little. Yet it’s not something I’ve ever really gotten out of. I know Depression and  being that I’ve lived my whole life in some degree of it falling into the pit and not bothering to try to get out doesn’t really sound as bad as it does being that I’m used to being Depressed. I think that makes sense? So the end game is that I just stay inside the house when I can and let the world spin around me. I don’t socialize. Now I put this stuff out publicly because it offers me a way to say it and release it instead of stuffing it. I’m not sure where I had written this….it could have been on the first writing with this account. I know that this account is also not hack-able as the password is something that only me and FatGirlKat would know…there ya go folks. Thanks 

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