Insecure and cocky

Just realised that 2016 and 2017 were about getting ahead for me. This came to the detriment of working on myself as a person. I cared about being seen as succeeding to others. Now I’m left feeling isolated and pathetic. I feel awakened though. I am glad I have realised my mistakes. 

I use to blame others for not being able to get along with them. I may not be able to make friends quickly (for me it definitely takes time) but at least I won’t keep going around with an ego belieiving that it is because they are too shallow. More often than not people are not as bad as you think. I am miss insecuirty so it was easier for me to think I was better than others so most people wouldn’t be up to my standards. Paahhh-leaseee! Omg can’t believe how ignorant I was. 

My goal for this year will be to try valiantly to not he so judgmental and give people the benefit of the doubt. I know some people can suck but most people are cool I think. One thing is for sure, I am not doing myself any favours by being a tall flower in the field. Lets stick to my goals and see where it gets me. 

When I meet new people I don’t want to be cocky and think they will for sure like me and if they don’t something is wrong with them. Geez, why did I think so poorly before??

I’m glad I am left with not many friends right now because it has opened my eyes and humbled me. This is exactly what I needed. If life kept going well for me and kept on handing me marlers of success like friends and social opportunities, I would have carried on as an ignorant cocky person. 

You know how I have said a few times how I am insecure? I believe being cocky goes hand in hand. Like for example, you think everyones watching you and that what people think about you matters a lot because you are soooo important. Lmao. Also if you are insecure then you get a taste of being liked you suddenly think you are the bees knees as you are desperate to hold onto this sense of power. I suppose seeing all these beautiful girls around me who are confident made me think that was what was important and would define my likability. I have learnt that sure looks affect how people treat you but you can not go far if you are oretty with a terrible personality. If i kept focusing on looks then I would have let it blow up my ego. 

How about I just try to be a decent genuine person? 

I don’t wanna freak out and think I gotta be miss successful and wind up with a horrible personality (in which I am super duper cocky ).

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