Things in my life are going off the rails. Every day is another reminder that I am crippled by depression if left alone too long. I do everything I can to help the people I love, yet I feel like I have no one to help me. Porter is two now and I have to be strong for him. My new year started with my friend claiming my father and his girlfriend raped her. If you think that is crazy, it is almost a typical day in my life. I would do anything to escape and to keep porter from realizing his family is not his rock but they are the very people who would strip him of his innocence. I try to protect him.. I try so hard. He is so sweet. I’ve never seen a more beautiful little boy. He looks so much like me, but I hope he’s not like me. At the moment I am facing either being kicked out of my apartment because I cannot afford it, or being with a man I do not love. Love, I don’t even like him.. he is racist, homophobic, he’s sexist and he’s not faithful. He’s a crazy drunk.. but even after all of that, he would do anything to help me stay afloat.(as long as he gets a good fuck at the end of the day) I never thought this would be my life.. then again I don’t know what I thought it would be. If I wrote everything down now there would be no end so I leave it at this.. a start.