01/09/18 — Sleepless Sleeping

I’ve been going to bed earlier at night, but I keep tossing and turning all night. This became evident last night as I woke up four or five times, praying to myself that it was 2 o’clock or 3 o’clock. I haven’t been sleeping well because of this, despite having vivid dreams and my eyes being closed. I’m certainly not entering REM sleep or any kind of deep sleep. Therefore when I got home today from work, I ended up taking a nap for two hours. I doubt this will help my sleep tonight but I’m still pretty exhausted. Maybe it was because the students returned today and I was actually doing my actual job today.  I’m also very grumpy today. I texted my ex and got very upset when he left me on read. This was very frustrating for me, and I have no real reason as to why. I think it was because I wanted to have a conversation and he chose to just ignore me, which really irked me. I mean, I’m only somewhat irked that Nolan hasn’t texted me back, but this is normal behavior for both my ex and for Nolan. I also didn’t hear much from the EMT today, and did my best not to blow up his phone. I did text him a few minutes ago, knowing that he is probably on duty and let him know plans for Friday night, and invited him to join us for drinks. I know that Monica will have her boyfriend there, and Lexi will probably have someone there, and I’ll be the oddball with no one to drink or dance with. I didn’t tell him all of this, instead just choosing to invite him out, letting him know that I know he is probably working that night. I don’t know, I don’t want to come off as needy. He’s a lot of fun to talk to and stuff, so I kind of don’t want to mess any of that up. I have a reputation for messing things up and being stupid like that. Anyway, I have messages coming in from Nolan and Tinder right now, and I’m falling asleep at the keys. I think I’m going to go lay down and answer everyone while cuddling my puppy. 

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