My day was a little bit brighter today, despite the wet ice and almost slipping to my death. I’d say it went well. I ate lunch with an old friend, met up with a good friend and we caught up. Went to my classes feeling way less anxious but still, pretty bad.
Am I on a destructive path?? I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. The other night I poured myself a glass of whiskey, sat down and just drank by myself. Lonely and upset, submerged in a thousand feelings… I never thought I would turn to that.
Just earlier, I smoked a cigarette. The burn in my throat – I feel calm. I breathe out with no regrets. My pain runs deeper than the smoke that fills my lungs. I used to judge others who would put something so poisonous to their lips. I gave it the power to take away my life, but it’s only my second cigarette and it won’t do any damage. I just wish it could.