#MeToo

A few summers ago I was assaulted. and to hear the story you’ll need some information first.

He was an ex. He was also my best friends baby daddy.

He never seemed to be able to let me go. When we first started he was in a bad place, a heroin junkie. Never brought it to my house. Never used in front of me. He was so honest with me about his problem, how scared he was to stop blah blah blah.

I just couldnt handle it long term. His disappearances, the lies for money, stealing my anti anxiety medication right in front of me. I was falling for him which scared me and my family. One sister threatened to never let me see her son again. Yes he was a junkie but I wasn’t.

I never have and never will allow myself to ever become a drug addict.

It had only lasted a few months and we never put a title on it. He told me if i fucked anyone else we would be over. No redo. No exceptions. So I told him it was over and I was done with the bullshit. 

After i had started a new relationship, He landed his ass in jail.                                                        And he mailed me a letter after he sobered up after the hell addicts go thru to get clean. He professed his love and I was a confused fucking moron. I told the guy i was dating that i needed time to think about it all…. he dumped me less than 24 hours later for wanting some time to get my head together.

So my Ex got out of jail. We slept together once more and it felt awkward. The unconditional love i once had for him had switched over. No longer was it a couple love but more of a family love. And i missed the guy i left to think about this clusterfuck. Boy oh boy he wasnt a fan of that. 

Somewhere in the middle of fucking him that last time and him going to jail again And getting back with my other guy. My period was late, I could smell the meat cooking on a grill from a half a mile a way while describing the seasoning to my friends. Garlic which im not a fan of, Tasted amazing. 

To this day im 95% sure i was pregnant for the very first time in my life after years of trying. And i did not want to have his baby. But I’m not an abortion fan, don’t get me wrong im not against it for everyone just personally i dont think i could ever do it. The guy I was dating was terribly upset but was willing to keep the baby with me and raise her. Now an epic fight was brewing in my family and i havent said a word about my late period to any of the elder family members but my cousins close in age. I get dragged into this nasty fight. I feel this gawd awful tearing ripping feeling deep in my gut and the worst period of my life starts. I decided not to tell jailbird about the terrifying ordeal and pretend it never even existed.

 Sometime later one of my closest friends tells me she has feelings for him. Go for it I say because well I wasn’t in love with him yes I loved him but more like family. She got pregnant, it was a tubal pregnancy. He is still on house arrest so he cant go in with her to have surgery. I went and sat in horrifying fear that my friend someone who felt like my sister had to abort and lose the baby and her fallopian tube at the same time. So much time passed and i started fearing she might loose her life in the process. She made it thru the surgery.

A few more months pass and shes pregnant again. A healthy beautiful baby girl. I was neither jealous nor envious of her. i was so happy for her, she looked like she had finally found what was missing. Their relationship had been falling apart for some time, He had taken up alcohol when he left jail the second time, and a hobby of tattooing. He was actually an amazing artist not so great with a tattoo gun but with pens and pencils amazing.

In October (maybe september) of 2013 the guy i had left junkie for broke up with me. I was so depressed. A friend of mine Frank who had just came back from being away for the Army a few months previous was my bestest friend and the one person who kept me together. Not to long after that break up he found out his wife had been in another relationship while he was abroad. 

Some how we managed to get together and started dating around christmas and new years (4 years strong btw) we had some problems as most new relationships do. My biggest problem was that i LOOOOVVVVEEEDDDD sex and he just eh liked it. I didnt feel wanted or needed. so in the late spring early summer of 2015 Me and frank took a break. I just wanted someone to want me someone to look at my like a wolf looks at wounded pigs.

It was the worst decision of my life. Its 2 days ok well 2 nights before my birthday and I already fucked my back up dude and felt pretty guilty and gross about it And gotten into several arguments over the phone and via messaging with frank. Now I smoke pot and sometimes i smoke alot of it. but back then not so much. I had just bought an ounce of pot maybe a half but i doubt it.

As i sat on my couch the time kept ticking by and i kept packing bong bowls because at this point im extra fucking depressed Im in shorts and a tank top theres a knock at my door, Its pretty late  i yell who is it and its HIM. Now at this point we are friends and i want nothing more while also considering his daughters as my nieces. i tell him hold on cuz i need pants and a sweater im high as fuck but i dont want him touching my skin thank you. 

I reluctantly let him in. its kinda chilly out for an early june night. He tells me him and his girl are fighting again and i pretend to not know even tho i had been messaging with her a few hours previous. he asks to use my phone to call his nephew to let him in. Hes drunk awesome. he uses my phone and kinda holds on to it. telling me i look great in black (ooooookk doesnt everyone?) whatever you can sleep on this loveseat or in my bed im sleeping here on this couch. Hes whining about his life and how much he misses me thats nice i reply Im going to bed. he argues with me everytime i try to go to sleep. hes in the kitchen i assume raiding my cabinets and fridge for food like he always has (side note found out later the next day he was drinking all the scrap boozes i had over and in my fridge, tequila, vodka, rum, and i think some schnapps).

Hes getting drunker and i dont notice because i have never been that high in my life before. he starts trying to convince me to have sex with him. lays on top of me trying to kiss me and when i roll away he tries to pull my pants down. Now im not a weak chick at all so i stand and yell and bitch i try and call my cousin and my side neither answers. all while HE is telling me that his girl/My bestie isnt going to believe me that no one would believe me. and im high and confused and mad. i went into my bedroom for something and he followed me and as i tried to edge by him so we wouldnt make contact he grabbed me and shoved me face first into the bed where hes slobbering all over my neck and bites me hard on the upper ear at that point i got my elbow to connect with his chest and i rolled off the edge of the bed and out into the living room. this game of his lasted over three hours. Toward the end he tells me that he washed his junk for this and told his nephew not to answer if i called. Toward the end i had reverted to the inner pycho that i truly am. now this whole time i am saying some truly nasty things about his manhood and sex with him in general and he kept trying to take it and turn it in to foreplay. 

The worst part about HIS grabbing, biting, hair pulling, and wrist holding that he was doing is that tis foreplay to me. and yes physically I was very turned on. Emotionally I was fucking disgusted and fucking fuming. I was going to lose my whole world over this fucking loser. 

I kept trying to use my phone when he wasnt paying attention but before i could hit send to any message or phone call he would snatch my phone from me in some twisted dare for me to get close and try to snatch it out of his hand he held all the way above his head (I’m 5 foot 3 hes 5 feet and maybe 8 inches). No I aint no fool I just stayed seated or still when he took it from me.

Now i can hear the questions forming in your head. Annie why didnt you call the police? Why didn’t I call my best friend? Honestly i was so scared. I didnt want his daughter growing up with out him, I didnt want my best friend to be mad at me. Most importantly I was never good at high stress moments i tended to freeze and not be able to form logical thoughts. 

I didn’t want this to be real. He started getting more and more tired almost sobbing tired. Trying to talk to me about when i had gotten pregnant, I had never told him so of course my best friend had. he had wished i had his baby at that moment that i understood him best. I laughed about this to his face telling him I couldn’t have been happier without having his baby that i didnt want him in any part of my life. So i convinced him that i would lay with him in my (king sized) bed, I at the time had alot of pillows so i stuffed 4 of them between us and everytime he would attempt to cross the line i would scream at him at the very top of my voice to get the fuck away from me. The seconds ticked by in what seemed like hour increments just waiting for him to fall asleep. i waited and waited eventually his breathing slowed and i ninja rolled out of that bed so quick i almost smashed my face against my own bedside table. My bedroom at the time was right off my living room. I laid on the couch with my face facing the door praying if i fell asleep i would hear him get out of bed.

 A few hours later which i had slept very lightly, I heard a small knock on my door and as i jumped up to run and answer it I realized my nightmare had actually been real. My cousin (gonna call her sunshine) was the first person i saw and i unleashed everything to her with HIM sleeping still in my bed. 

It was the day before my birthday and everything had changed.

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