Right now I utterly feel nothing. It scares me. But then, is that not feeling something? It feels gray, but I flop between that and feeling so, so sad. It feels like I’m a vessel just going through the motions, putting on the right emotions just to get by. I’m not a doctor and I can’t diagnose myself. What I can say is I’m just so very sad. So very sad. There was nothing anyone could’ve done…For anyone. I’ve been having a very hard time with this. I am not ashamed. But I know some won’t understand why I am as affected by all of them. I still struggle with his name. I dread returning to Saturday. I will up and leave if it gets mentioned. He’s not some gossip. He’s a human being, turned angel.