i think i had a self realization last night. i had an anxiety attack around 1 am because i didn’t know what i wanted to do with my life, and then i started thinking about college. and i realized that maybe i should have just stuck with my original dream: graphic design.
i think the reason i didn’t pursue the artistic side of me is because i didn’t think i could make a living out of it. i picked bio because i thought i would make more money pursuing that side of me. but once i actually took the classes i realized that i’m just not cut out for that. there’s a reason i took 4-6 art classes in highschool.
everyone has been telling me for years what a good artist i am and how i should go into DAAP at UC. i just never knew what specific area of DAAP i was interested in. my favorite aspects of “art” would be photography and graphic/game design. why didn’t i ever apply for DAAP? i’ve always been obsessed with art museums and artwork and the like, so maybe i need to steer my life in a different direction.
i was always too afraid of disappointing my parents, so i think that’s also part of the reason i decided on bio. but now i need to focus on myself and what makes me happy.
that was a giant brain dump. i was up until 4 am last night thinking about all this. but i guess my best thoughts come at 4am.