I am going certifiably crazy. We are due to go to Quebec this coming Thursday to go see my husband’s family and I have been having anxiety attacks the past couple days. I haven’t had anxiety attacks since being pregnant with Sarah. I know, that seeing Seb’s family, that flying, and that the change in sleep are all, surefire triggers for me. Guaranteed detonations. And I am already so I’ll equipped lately to deal with any emotions and mood shifts in the first place. I’ve been doing a horrible fucking job. This past month has been a constant yo-yo of depression and hypomania I want to vomit just thinking about it. I’ll call my doctor Monday. That’s two whole days away and how can I possibly survive between now and then? How did this become so…. how did this show up so fast; how did things go downhill so fast. I’m constantly letting my husband down. My beautiful wonderful supportive husband. I just want him to enjoy seeing his family he hasn’t seen in so long and here I am, a train wreck crashing through his happiness.

I haven’t been able to cope being around my family, my job or my regular activities. Never mind another province, another people and another language. The last time I felt like this my doctor put me on medical leave. Not an option. Not with family.

I’m petrified.

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