Does she ever think of me?!?!?

Happy Monday…… I suppose. Missing my family with an ache that no words can describe. It’s not unusual for me to have a fiery desire to be all together again. I told someone earlier that I have erected a shrine inside of me. I have not chosen to “move on”. I keep the memory of my family very much alive in my mind. It might not be common, ordinary or even acceptable in this day that we live in. However, I cannot force myself to bury her memory and build a memorial to what we once had. This is my greatest struggle. I was sitting her thinking… hmmmm…. does she think about all of our dinner dates that we had a Cracker Barrel? Does she think about the countless number of times that we went to breakfast at the R&I?? I would usually eat some of her toast because she would be full and besides…. I love strawberry jelly. Does she think about all of the times I ran my fingers up and down her side while declaring how much that she meant to me?? Does she think of all the work that we did to try and advance our business?? That made me think of the picture of her making a muscle pose next to a gigantic stump that we had removed. We spent countless hours trying to make our way…. doing projects etc. Does she think about that picture that I took of her while she was hugging her new barn?? We wanted to raise our family in the country so bad. We received a huge blessing and were able to fulfill that dream. Now it is just a empty home void of any kind of love. Maybe one day a different family can enjoy the peace of this home. No neighbors, it was just us until we decided that we needed to invite cancerous things into our home. I brought the angry drinking man into my home. I regret it. I am surely paying for it. I was thinking….. I wonder if she thinks about the time that we both got poison ivy while trying to clean up our new property in “Post Oak Paradise”?? Not much of a paradise anymore. It is a prison when I am there only because my mind wanders to a better time when we relied on each other. We had one common goal. We were building a life together. We wanted to have something for our children to enjoy. I remember it all. The highs, the lows and the in betweens. I am sure that she has blocked out all of the love that we made. She asked me once to hurry home because she “wanted” me. That will echo inside of me until I take my final breath. She is dreamy and I will certainly dream of her tonight like I do every other night. God surely smiled down on me when he allowed me to take her hand in marriage. Thank you Lord for that and accept my sincere apology for tainting the plan that you had for us. I know that your plan has not changed but she is allowed to make her own decisions concerning “US”. Either way, I got to experience the highest of highs while with my family. May the Glory be given to God for ever and ever, AMEN!!

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