I have this feeling that I am cursed. My life is a domino effect. One thing after another – i continuously get knocked down. It is as if I am destined to fail and all I feel is pure defeat.
Over the last couple of days, I was unsure if I wanted to continue living in a world that does not have room for my existence. I had thought that I had enough of this life. Getting up daily was difficult and my health was deteriorating – mentally and physically. I was being punished.
I thought matters could not have gotten worse for me. My heart is so big and filled with warmth that I want to share with everyone, but it constantly breaks over what obstacles get thrown my way.
01-20-18 I said the words “I might kill myself”. I had reached a peak where I needed to escape. I needed help. No – I need help.
Lights are always off. Blinds are closed. I loved the dark and it filled me with comfort. I take a sip of ice cold whiskey, it soothes me. The cigarettes I smoke – it calms me. While my life spirals out, I think how much worse can things get ?