This moment feels bittersweet. On one hand, I look around and think “Boy are we lucky!” and on the other hand, I feel lost, alone and hopeless. I hate saying that but it’s true. Perhaps it’s because the “Always smile and never let anyone know you’re hurting” mask is finally coming off and the truth is finally coming out. Finding yourself and rebuilding your life from the ground up after 30 years of thinking you have it figured out is one hell of a ride. There’s been good along the way but all in all it’s overwhelming. I question EVERYTHING. I feel EVERYTHING. It’s crazy and it’s hard. It’s both beautiful and heartbreaking. I am discovering the good and the bad and I have a lot to learn… Some days I am grateful for everything and stare in awe at the littlest things. Other days I don’t want to be here at all, I don’t want to do it anymore. My friends have faded away and I worry about leaning on my family too much. I worry about money and bills and dread the day when I will lose it all… I try to accept life as it is now but remain hopeful that a cure will come along… Someday. Side note, I had this written as “you and your” and had to change every one of them to “I”. Maybe I didn’t want to make it personal, I don’t know. Now I’m just feeling drained and think I’ll go lay down. For now, this is where I leave you.