Do not get me wrong… I am never this depressing. I am happy when I am surrounded by the ones I love. I can laugh and enjoy my time with others. I can adapt to an environment and act like everything is ok.
But today I think I am a little bit stronger. I am not stone-cold but I am not the girl who will not allow people who do not appreciate my value continue to stay in my life. I can be vulnerable… No – I am constantly vulnerable. I get hurt effortlessly and I’m absolutely overly-sensitive. It is a bad thing, I need thick skin.
I have given all of me to someone(s) who cannot love me. Or maybe it was something they are fearful of.. and maybe they took me for granted. I do not fret – as I only want them to be happy and to be able to be vulnerable with someone who can make them as happy as I did (and more). I don’t look back at it too much, my past isn’t worth fighting for. And as I try to part with my past, whether it was lovers, or friends, etc, it is not only them who had their heart broken. My heart has shattered letting them go.
I think I love too easily. I just want someone to love me and all of me and not to be afraid of what we could be. It is comforting having someone endlessly there for you. I am sappy and I love all that romantic shit. I want to be enough for someone and I know I can be enough. You see – when they crave your attention, it’s the best feeling in the world. Feeling desired.
I crave those good morning texts and good night texts. Finding someone who is equally inlove with you is the best thing. Neither one in the relationship feels like they get the short end of the stick.
A relationship that doesn’t make you feel like you are unworthy of love. Love was with a boy with too many alternatives. Love included cancelled plans and one sided effort. Love then became a sudden shock of how valuable my heart was. Love wasn’t getting out of the relationship as soon as possible. I became his muse. Love wanted to be shown and was their feeling of appreciation. Love wasn’t afraid of displaying their love for everyone to see. It wasn’t for attention, rather it was for appreciation. Love is full of jealousy and protectiveness. Love was never afraid to say those 3 words that puts you at your most vulnerable state.
Love was miles and miles away. Love was not waiting for each other, though my heart was willing to wait. It sort of went like this, “I miss you, but until then – I will continue to meet others until I can fully commit”. Love was unknown and that was what made things spontaneous and exciting. Love was always busy.