That’s a big sammich lady!!!!!!!

 Isn’t she just a cutie?!?!? I remember the night. This was over a year ago. We snuck out of the house for some alone time and made a quick trip to the airport to eat. We laughed and laughed about the size of that sammich.  As I sit here alone on a Saturday night I of course reflect on even the smallest little adventures with my bride. Trying to watch a movie but my mind constantly wanders thinking about my family. I got to spend part of the day with my precious children. We went skating and ate pizza. My children say “you are the best dad ever”.  Of course, in my heart I disagree. If I was the best father ever then I would have made sure that our family stayed together. I know that I couldn’t force her to stay but if I would have done some things differently there might be a chance that she would still be here. The other part of me thinks that her leaving was inevitable…  I wander if she thinks that she has missed out on something in life and wanted to make her own destiny. You know, be in charge, make her own decisions etc. Ok, I am leaning more towards the obvious…..  I should have been a better husband!!!!  I am trying my best to remain positive in this situation but it’s no secret that fear follows me around. The thought of losing at life is tough to swallow. I thought of another foolish ideology earlier… when I am at the gym I have a motivation to look better for my wife. I know, it’s strange. Someone who loathes my existence but I still catch myself having hope. I love that woman…… goodnight world. 

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