its the 5th day of my holidays and i have been doing one thing only? lazing around. 2 days ago i just woke up at 6 am in the morning cuz of pain,it was bad. tried to fall back asleep. i did. then it was 4 hour smooth sleep. the fact that i’m a light sleeper doesn’t help…at all. idk why i have pain and my hair’s falling so much. even before brushing my hair,there’s a bunch in my hair band. i don’t know,could be cuz of stress and papers. i’m trying to go to sleep early and get up early too.  trying to eat right too like take milk. take iron supplement,drink lots if water.

I have to do lots of things before uni opens again. pack my things,clean the cupboard,write my cv,intro,work on a project,finish a book. In shaa Allah,i will do all these things. 

i hate the uncertainty the tho’t of future brings,idk how things will be after 2 years and how they’ll be after 4 years. sometimes, i think i should make the decision now,then i think there’s time and i can wait. then i think i should make the decision after 2 years instead of 4 cuz even after 4 years,there will be uncertainty. there will be no guarantee of anything even after 4 years or 6 years. i know about the risk,it’s in everything but if the things gonna be the same after 4 years or so as they are after 2 years. then the wait is in vein,idk. idk how it all will be. see, why i hate it.  

why life is like that and we cant be sure of the things we want to get in life. what happens with me, WHENEVER i have said ‘never will i ever in my life ‘ and yeah,i plunge right into  it. it has always happened with me. i remember vividly, when i was in 7th grade,i didn’t take my computer final cuz it wasn’t necessary. so,i didn’t take it as it wasnt gonna affect my final grade. i said,”I will not take as i will never study computer in my life!” i didn’t even take computer in hs as my major,it was bio but look at me, doing software engineering. computer is my life now. 

i want peace in life and see the face of people i love my whole life,live in a small home but be happy. 

there is so much in my head,but it wont come out. so,I should go.

oh and i hate selfish and mean people but yeah they are also a part of life and will keeping on coming and going.

2 thoughts on “Holidays”

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