Numb

I wake, I do the school run, I come back and text friends and my mrs so i feel a little normal but I woke up up this morning and I just feel numb, I don’t feel a thing, the thing is.. I keep meaning to write a piece just on my life from beginning to now but convos like I had with the mrs last night about some things from my past,  it put me off becuase it’s just the tip of the real route to everything when I was talking to her last night..  but today I really do just feel numb, I haven’t got the energy to do anything including just moving a few steps into the kitchen but eventually I do move becuase the rabbit hutch needed cleaning out so I put my phone onto of the unit, Marilyn Manson playing and I cleaned it out,  but my mind is still overthinking everything.. would my mrs like the real me becuase I don’t think she would becuase even holding back I’m still full on with the loving stuff.. also I want my relationship back, I feel that we spoke after Christmas and said we need to prioritise this relationship and each other becuase we know how it feels when we don’t see each other but I feel that convo was pointless becuase we hardly talk and I haven’t saw her in a long time and it hurts like a bitch esp when I’m struggling with my ups and downs and all the shit that’s been going on, I just want to be in her arms, I need that so bad, she’s my safe place and I don’t feel safe without being in her arms! 

My health issues are sucking at the minute to the point that my knee hurts like a bitch, my stomach is killing me to the point I’ve gone back to hardly eating becuase I’m struggling to eat a plate of dinner right now, im so fucking stressed trying to find a place to rent! But to be honest I just don’t want to keep feeling numb, i took three times my normal medication today becuase when I did come around from the numbness I just thought I could see a certain face everywhere I looked and I was freaking myself out.. mental health sucks ass!

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