Daydreaming about Green Tea Frappes at work. 1.23.18

potential self harm trigger warning~

I’m at work with nothing to do… or at least with nothing I want to do. It’s almost 9am and I wish I was still in bed. Some days I could stay under those blankets all day. For I while I thought I’d never be able to sleep peacefully if it wasn’t with her. I told myself I wouldn’t be able to do a lot of things without her.

Little by little, I am proving myself wrong.

I know it’s been a long time and I’m sure everyone is getting tired of hearing about my heartbreak over a girl when we all knew it was going to crash and burn eventually. But I really wanted us to be together. And I really miss her. So if no one wants to read this, that’s fine. I’m saying whatever is on my mind, and she’s on my mind a lot.

I’m supposed to start field work in the fall. That’s pretty scary. I’m not sure if I’m ready. I guess I have to be.

My mind scares me sometimes. Last night I might’ve cut if I’d have had a blade. I was thinking ‘just on my legs. not on my arms. then it’ll be a little more okay.’ That is such a stupid lie. I know I would go just as deep and bleed just as much. Nothing ever seems to be enough.

I want a green tea frappe and I want work to go faster.

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