Baby Steps and All That

I woke up feeling nauseous again when I sat up in bed and that’s getting pretty annoying. It ended up being one of those mornings that I didn’t feel good in any of my clothes so I ended up settling on a pretty basic outfit, but I did wear jeans, which is hard for me to do when I have like 100000 pairs of comfortable, lazy leggings.

I had to rush to the library before class to print something because my printer in my room ran out of ink like three eons ago and I still haven’t bought any. Then in class we met with our little peer review groups. One of the girls in my group seems like she is pushing to be my friend but I really don’t feel like I have time for any other friends outside my little circle I already have. I wish I could somehow make it clear to her that I’m the most bare minimum friend (usually) and she wouldn’t get much out of the friendship. But alas, she continues to talk to me before and after class. Not that she’s annoying or anything it’s just. I have so little energy.

After class I started to walk home, realized/remembered that Andrew has a class that gets out close by and so I walked aimlessly in the wrong direction for about 10 minutes just to avoid accidentally running into him or having to see him at all. Similar to yesterday, I’ve been fighting an urge to text him. But today I’ve succeeded so far and I’m proud of that fact. Baby steps, and all that, I guess.

When I got home I went to take a nap. I spent probably half an hour enclosed under my blanket with a little gap for my breathing hole, just zoning out. I like to do this sometimes because the blanket sort of acts like a layer between me and the rest of the world and it feels kind of like nothing can touch or affect me when I’m in my little blanket bubble. Sometimes it feels weird coming out of the blanket bubble because the space around me feels too big or something. Like…there’s too much space? Too many things around me? I don’t know.

Unfortunately, probably about an hour into my actual nap I was woken up by my RA knocking on my door for a health and safeties check, which I forgot about. I opened my door wearing my pajama shorts and she just peeked in and did a thumbs up and said my room looked good and sort of pranced out of our dorm. She just annoys me and I can’t figure out why. Now that she woke me up from a nap I’m more annoyed about her.

Once I was awake I decided to give up on the nap idea and I went downstairs and sat with Vic and Mad, watching “Yes to the Dress”, which for some reason we watch mindlessly quite often even though no one is that into it.

We walked through the cold to Starbucks and I got some reading done and then we ate at the cafeteria, which I hate.

I feel very tired again. I’ve constantly had to block Andrew out of my thoughts. You would think that rejection would be something I’d get used to, after experiencing it so many times. Like the ache in my back from the weight of my books. Instead, it feels like a different kind of hurt each damn time and that is such a bullshit thing.

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