I think I have sexual anorexia. If anyone were to see my sexual history they would be left confused and slightly appalled. My whole perception of sex is warped.
I use sex to validate myself, it is the only way that I feel like I am wanted and useful on this earth, the fact that I do so has destroyed so many of my relationships I can’t even begin to explain it. If my partner needs space I go into a spiral of self-destruction and I take so many people down with me. I hurt my partner, I hurt the poor sod that I take my sexual aggression out on and I hurt myself, and when I hurt the world must feel my hurt so my family life suffers along with my friendship circle. Vicious cycle, and yet I’m aware of it, I can see it, I want to change it but in the moment I never seem to recognize it is what I am doing. Its funny to think that all of these situations are caused by two sticky body parts colliding.
I wish I were different. The afterglow is fading more quickly every time it happens.