[175] ~*Thu – 01/25/18*~

[2:14 pm]

Arg! I just don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I went to sleep with like nine hours and I was still tired this morning and not wanting to get out of bed. I finally did and went for my first client. I had time in between clients so I came back home but before I drove by the garage cause I wanted to go pay my car but I just couldn’t bring myself to go. I’m so scared to see how much it will cost and I’m also scared that they didn’t fix the lights, the windows I can live with it. I’m also very scared that even with all this work that my car will still rattle. So many worries…

As I didn’t stop at the garage, I almost wanted to go to Jack’s to try my luck but I had to tell myself to be good and go home. Not good, not good. I got home and of course, they didn’t pick up the garbage yet so my green bag was all over the place as some birds decided to feast on it. I took another bag and picked everything up. I then left for my second client and again, had some time so I drove by the garage but couldn’t bring myself to go in. I got home, the damn green bad was all over the place AGAIN so again, I picked it all up. Arg! Why can’t they just come at the same damn time?! One week they will be here at 9 am so I miss it, then they don’t come till 3-4 pm. I’m writing this and my garbage is still siting at the end of my driveway and I better not have to pick it up a third time.

My finger started itching again, I catch myself scratching and I just put some cream on it cause I was scratching. I’d like to know what’s wrong with it cause it’s just the one finger and it’s the one with my wedding rings. My body is just so damn weird. What can I say, I must be an alien. My hair doesn’t seem to be equal today but it’s prob cause I used the straightener on one side and not the other cause I was lazy. One side was a bit messy so I used the straightener on it but the other side was okay so I didn’t touch it but it’s two different kind of straightener that were used so they don’t straight the hair the same so now it looks like I have one side that’s a bit shorter than the other one. I could use the time to fix it right now but I can’t be bother cause I just feel so blah.

I wanted to go nap when I got back home but I ended up calling my mom and spending some time on the phone so then I only had about an hour so I decided to stay up and come write. The time is going and I can feel myself stressing cause of having to go get the car. I think I might ask hub to take my car to work tonight and I’ll keep his and just start with mine tomorrow. I just don’t feel ready to try it out, I’m just so scared of what could still be wrong on it when I know everything should be fine. Blah me! I want to sit in a corner with a blanket and cry right about now but I still have two more clients to do and I have that one client that gets a bit on my nerve so I don’t know about that. My head is like, “Casino”, and this is a problem. I don’t want to start gambling to forget things that stresses me out. It’s not really gambling, it’s more like when I feel this way I don’t want to be home. My house is such a mess, I’m looking at the floor right now and it really needs to be clean but I couldn’t be bothered with it. This is why I don’t like being home. If I’m not home, I don’t see it so I don’t have to deal with it but I’m really lazy and I hate it. All this is just making me feel really depressed and I’m a bit scared of having a breakdown as I had one almost a year ago. If only I could get my damn Wed off, then I would have an extra day and I could get back on track with cleaning and all of it and maybe it would help how I feel about myself. I had told myself that with the new year I would start cleaning a little each day so I would do one room per month. Jan is almost gone and I haven’t done a darn thing.

Anyways, I know a lot of people have it way WAY worse than me out there so I try to be more positive. I did say “try”.




Leave a Comment: