emotions

i feel so many emotions every second of the day and it really a problem. most of the time all i feel is sadness and that’s what really gets me. i haven’t self harmed since november i think and that takes a lot out of me, especially last night. last night was rough. i had to call my aunt because i wanted to die and hurt myself so badly. it’s been hard to see my therapist the last few weeks because i’ve been so busy with school. Jane is kind, i like her but i’m probably leaving her soon to go find a new therapist. Jane picked my case specially because she said she understood some of the things i’ve been through. she likes my snake athena. at first Jane was a little scared of her but the last time i saw Jane she held athena. of course she didn’t know how to properly handle a snake but that’s okay, it’s working progress. athena is one of my main sources of happiness and she’s tried to bite me twice and it emotionally hurts me because i’m the one who cares for her and looks after her but she’s only a snake so she doesn’t know any better. they only have half of the brain a human has, they’re missing most of their emotions. they obviously have some considering her aggression. i feed athena twice a week, monday and thursday. she eats a dead baby mouse a little bigger than the biggest part of her body. after she eats you can’t handle her until her lump goes away (after she digests the mouse). athena love to be outside durning the warm weather. she likes to slither around in the grass or on the driveway. she’s always supervised so she doesn’t get swooped up by a bird or so she doesn’t go too far. when i first got her she was 14 inches and now she’s over 22 inches long. i’ve had her for a year this May. time flies, i barely remember when she was little. it seems like just yesterday i brought her home in a little cardboard box. i love her so much and i can’t wait to spend the next 23.5 years with her. i hope to get more reptiles soon, i want a ball python but right now my dad is saying no 🙁 i want to be a herpetologist (the study of reptiles) they don’t make much money so i’d have to have another job or depend on my s/o. 

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