why?

why do i feel like this is a question i ask myself a lot. why do i feel sad? why do i feel angry? why do i feel at all? why can’t i just be happy? because i have a chemical imbalance in my head. because i’ve been hurt. because i’ve been put through so much. that’s why or at least thats what i believe. it’s hard to be happy with depression and anxiety. depression makes you sad and anxiety makes you feel anxious or overthink and it’s hard to even do daily tasks. it’s hard to do anything. it’s hard to find the motivation to do schoolwork. it’s hard to find the motivation to get out of bed and get ready for the day. it’s hard to go out in public. it’s hard to talk to people you don’t know. it’s hard to do things in front of people you don’t know. it’s living hell living with these illnesses and i can’t imagine having anything else on top of this. i’ve been to 4 schools because of my depression and anxiety. i’ve been bullied by my old best friend. i’ve had rumors spread about me that weren’t true. i’ve been hit. i’ve been threatened by death. but i’m still here. i’m strong but sometimes it’s just so hard to believe when i’m breaking down crying. i feel so weak and helpless. i need constant reminders that i’m loved. i need constant reminders that he’s proud of me. i need constant reminders that i’m worth something. because if i were all alone i’d be nothing. i’d probably be dead. it’s so hard living and dying seems so much easier but then i think of the person i love and how much it’d hurt him if i left him and i can’t do that to him. but it feels as if i have no one. 

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