So I’m watching re-runs of Bridget Jones and Love Actually…drowning in feelings.
You see, I’m in love with him. We matched on Tinder and for our first date, me being me, I decided to bring an entire bottle of vodka along. We hit it off straight away. His eyes were a greenish blue, hair dirty blonde and slightly curly at the edges. He was tall. I’m only 5 foot 3. He has this innocence about him. And thick-rimmed glasses. We were polar opposites. I love to meet people and socialise and he’s much much quieter. We had sex on the first date. Well, it was a Tinder date so I was prepared for that. The alcohol helped too. I was in a 4-year relationship and had recently broken up. I was angry, wild, and frustrated.
He had the softest lips and the cutest laugh and something about him just clicked. When I hugged him goodbye, I knew it wasn’t going to be the last time. Okay, mainly because we made plans to meet again but still, I felt it.
We met 4 other times. All the same setup. Not particularly romantic but I didn’t care. He made me laugh and checked all the right boxes. He comes down to work, and soon enough, has to fly back to his country. He’ll be back in a few months but I didn’t get my hopes up. Sure enough, he comes back and he brings me my favourite chocolates. You know, I thought swiping right to foreigners would guarantee me not catching feelings. Wrong.
Anyway, this time he sees me and he says he doesn’t want me to go. But I’ve got work and it was late. Didn’t have a change of clothes. We add each other on Facebook. We met one last time before he had to head back again. About 2 weeks from that, he was was in a relationship. It hurt but I let it go. I act like I didn’t care, it was just Tinder after all. I even liked their pictures together even though it made me want to punch the wall.
He talks to me a lot still. I act casual. He makes me laugh. We meet up again, and I tell him how uncomfortable this makes me feel. I say I hate cheaters. My dad cheated. He says it’s on him and it’s not me. I couldn’t say no, I don’t know, my feelings were too strong. He says it’s not serious with her. I ask him why he doesn’t just leave her then. I tell him if you love her, go be with her. He doesn’t listen.
We chat more frequently. He says he’s confused and he’s so vulnerable with me but he feels he’s too chilled for my energy, whatever that is. I found out that his girlfriend wasn’t from his home country but in mine. I felt even worse. Why did he choose her? He says he wants to fly me out to his country. I don’t know if I should go. It’s on another continent. A part of me wants to try.
In my clouded mind, I still have hope for us.