Life Wife

I still contemplate things and at times, I feel like I am making myself crazy. It’s been almost two years since we last spoke. I still cry with pain and regret at times and I still cry because of the way I was so cruelly cut-off. How could I have been so blind? How could I have betrayed my best friend and the love of my life? And why did I let you in? I’ll never understand what was going on in my head. I still, with guilty conscious, look you up to see how you are. Things still look like a fairy tale on your end as you portray them, but they have greatly subsided in the last six months. Before, you posted every picture, every gushing thought about your “new found love” and family. I still think you are forcing yourself to believe that you have found this perfect life, only now, I think you have settled back into your boredom and are getting tired of living in another man’s shadow. I still feel like I feel you and I just randomly get emotional out of the  blue and I blame you. We still have a cord tied to each other. It may just be only one, when before there were many and I feel it weakening. Time is the only cure to a broken heart and this is the greatest one of my life. You will never even understand the huge effect you had on me and how it impacted the beginning stages of what was the most transformational period in my life. I still miss you. I feel guilty and want to erase you and believe me, I’ve tried everything. I’m sure by now, I’m only a flickering memory in your mind, but I secretly want to haunt you on those lonely nights and in your quiet thoughts. Erasing the past is hard to do when you almost gave up everything for person who deceived you. So, here I am still scarred from the pain you caused and the pain I caused myself. Life Wife is what you called me, but it’s more like a life sentence. How do I erase you? 

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