Starting over…

This is me, starting over. Well, starting over as far as a new journal-wise. I used to journal on Bloop Diary, but the site has lost most of its members and even the owners don’t do much with it anymore, so it’s not really worth it to journal there anymore. Even though it was sporadic, I enjoyed having the feedback that an online journal can get from readers. Not that my journal is that interesting. Which is why it was sporadic. But I did make a couple of friends. 

So I’m Blue. All my information has been changed to protect myself…I don’t want anyone coming across this and knowing exactly who I am. But if they actually read it, and know me, they will. Anyway, I’m a 32 year student and file maintenance/cashier at a grocery store. File maintenance is the people that change the tags every week for the sales. And I’ll be a student again as soon as I get my tax refund and pay off the money I owe the school for a previous book advance and start going to classes again. Maybe this summer (if I can somehow manage it) or at the very latest this fall. I can’t wait to go back to school! I’m scared that I’ll screw it up again but I’m going to do my very best not to. I just want to get my degree in Accounting as fast as possible, even if that means summer school, and start working somewhere in that field. I haven’t decided if I’m going to go the payroll path or more the taxes path but I have time to decide. School should help with that (I hope). 

More about me: I’m divorced and have a cat, who helps get me through some of the tough times. She drives me crazy too! The divorce was tough, especially since I didn’t want it but I didn’t fight it so the actual divorce part was pretty easy. I still feel the aftermath though. I can get pretty lonely. Which sucks, especially when you thought you had finally put the lonely days behind you and had found that person that you were going to be with the rest of your life. But he didn’t want to be married anymore. Really, how do you fight that? Or go on fighting that? I fought it for a while, but when he finally admitted that he was done…it still hurts. Just less so. It’s been 5 years since we split and it’ll be 4 years in November since the divorce was finalized. I don’t miss the fights and how distant he was in the end, but I miss the little things that you get from having someone. Having someone to talk to about your day, the hand-holding, having someone to kiss… *sigh* I’ve tried dating but it’s hard. There’s a lot of assholes out there. Dating sites are magnets for them. And I wouldn’t date anyone at work. Well, there is one guy that I kind of have a crush on. But he wouldn’t look at me twice. He likes this other girl and I’m not his type. But that’s OK. Maybe it’s just not time for me to find someone. Sure is lonely though…

I should probably start getting ready for work. I don’t want to though. I don’t want to go to work. I know everyone says that but I really don’t like my job. The file maintenance part isn’t so bad, but the cashiering part sucks. There’s just some dumb shit that goes on with the front end that makes it almost unbearable to work up there. And my shoulder hurts and moving heavy shit (and not so heavy shit) makes it hurt more. I really should have it looked at. But I’m afraid they’re going to say it’s bad and that I need surgery to get it fixed and that would put me out of work. I couldn’t really afford that. So I suffer through. But it’s getting worse and harder to suffer through. And I haven’t even been at my job but 9 months. What would they say if I said that I needed time off for my shoulder. Probably “see you later!” and fire me. *sigh* I don’t know really what to do. But anyway, I should go. This entry turned out longer than expected. Some days are like that. Don’t expect me to do this often though; sometimes I went months or a year without writing. I’m hoping to changing that since journaling helps me get my thoughts together and out and it helps me feel a little better but no promises. OK, enough stalling. Till we meet again!

2 thoughts on “Starting over…”

  1. Welcome aboard! I used to be a manager at a grocery store, and I know how the life sucking any joy out of your job can go. Especially when it comes to certain customers. Hope to read more of your journals. 😀

  2. Hello Blue, I think it is worth going to get an opinion on your shoulder at least then you will know what you are dealing with and it may be a simpler solution than surgery ..
    Anyways welcome to GNJ, I hope you find it a valuable tool and source of inspiration and look forward to reading more entries from you in the future .. 🙂

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