Dangerous Obsession

He’s everywhere

He’s nowhere, but he’s everywhere.

He’s in my head, he’s in my dreams, he’s in my nightmares.

He’s not here, but I can feel his emerald pearls staring through my soul, as if they can read me from a distance.

As they know me better than I know myself.

And I want him gone, I want him gone so badly. But all I can do is slice the metal along my arms, blaming myself for letting him go.

I want him gone, but I want him back.

I want all of him for myself; I don’t want to share. I want to love him, obsess over him, and to lace my fingertips with his. I want to love him although he did the opposite to me. I want to forgive him, although what he did was unforgivable.

At the same time, I want to hurt him. Payback for hurting me so badly that I lost my own self, for hurting me so badly that I had to beg to get myself back up. The limp is still there, reminding me of him every day, every time I try to run away from everything.

No one wants to help me anymore. My friends are getting sick of his name, my family only hurts me even further, and I don’t know what to do with myself.

What’s wrong with me?

2 thoughts on “Dangerous Obsession”

  1. Nothing is wrong with you.
    It’s just how your mind works. You try to get better but obsess over them, dream of them, think of them obsessively. Think about whether or not they think of you too. You know they weren’t good for you but you can’t help it.

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