Monday January 29th

I spent the shit out of some money this weekend. I bought so much stuff for my house. I bought the mattress and boxsprings for my guest room, and that was $1600. Big hit for sure. I just don’t see the purpose in buying a shitty mattress that no one would want to sleep on. Hopefully the things I am buying now, I will have until I die. I bought a lot of decorative crap, too. I bought the third frame I needed from Michael’s for my Star Wars posters. I bought the desk and a printer stand for my work room. I paid to have the painting I bought framed- not happy about the cost of it- I paid too much for that. Maybe I will like the painting more in the frame. I ordered all the bedding for the new bed, and on and on. Once I get going, it’s a runaway train to be sure. I hope there are no issues with my tax refund and I actually get what I think I’m going to get. 
The most important thing currently on the horizon is the big job. If I can get that job, the rest of my life will be on a different track. I will live a different life. I wonder if the people that hire these positions realize the god-like power they hold. I want this job so badly. I would be in such an amazing place if I got it. I am almost scared to think about it. I am always afraid of getting my hopes up since things seldom go my way. People with plenty of money have no idea what life is like for those of us that live check to check. Those of us that depend on credit cards or loans to survive. Someone like Oprah could change the lives for a thousand people like me with the stroke of a pen and she would never even miss it. I am certain I would help people if I was rich. I don’t understand how they just go on about their lives knowing people are homeless and hungry- that children are hungry. I don’t get it. If I was rich, I probably wouldn’t be rich for long because I would help everyone I could. I don’t need millions- does anyone??? I need enough to buy a house, eat what I want, and buy gifts for the people I love on birthdays and Christmas- without having to worry about being overdrawn, or thinking about what I can sell of mine to get the money. Ugh. The Star Trek world with no money would be perfect for me.

Later…

I can’t stop thinking about that job. Ugh. I don’t know, but there used to be a rule that jobs had to be posted for 30 days before they could hire someone- I have no idea if that’s even true, like now true or if it was ever true. That job would mean such a huge raise for me and it would be so stress free. It would be my guarantee that I would be able to work for 40 years. I just have to keep applying for stuff when it’s posted if I don’t get this one. I sent my friend that works down town a FB message about the job, but she didn’t respond. That can’t be good. I thought she liked me, or I wouldn’t have sent her a message. I feel so nervous and anxious thinking about it. If I haven’t heard anything this week, then maybe I should send Faith another email? Maybe I should send one now? I don’t know. I need to think about what I would say.  

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