Writing in a diary that noone but me is ever going to read has never felt right. I want to share my thoughts and my life with anyone who is interested.
Tonight I am alone – doesn’t happen very much but when it does – I want to write. I want to express my feelings and talk about my life …and yes I have lived a very interesting life.
Ok so what am I thinking about now? Well I might be flying off to Saudi by the end of the week. On my own. Never been before and I am nervous and excited. I have scoured the internet for hints about what I should and should not do.
I went shopping while in London today in Shepherds Bush for an Abaya or 2. Funny little scruffy shop with cheap polyester black tents. Yep that is what it feels like wearing one! The plain batwing black one I bought takes me back to my graduation day. 21 in Edinburgh graduating with a 2:1 BA (Hons) in textile design from the Edinburgh College of Art …I am 54 now (55 on 4 Feb). So over 30 years ago …a very long time. But back then I was a skinny 10 and pretty – now I suit the tent with a size 16/18 body and double chin!
I so want to look elegant and mysterious ….not frumpy and ‘thank God those rolls of fat are hidden in that black tent like garment’! Never mind …David loves me and finds me sexy so what else matters!
David is the love of my life who I have been with for almost every day since Boxing Day 2009. It has been so long since we have spent more than a few days apart …but we aren’t going to sleep together for 10 nights! How can I cope?
Well hopefully this diary will help as I won’t be drinking red wine to drown away my fears and loneliness ( yep alcohol is banned) I can’t even take my rabbit with me to help me feel better as sex toys are banned too! Omg I am honestly wondering what the hell I am doing!