Wrecked Newbie

Depressed or just lazy?
My body hates me, or do I just hate my body?

Taking the semester off, flunking out of school, having no help paying bills, working all the time, not saving my money, my boyfriend isn’t even actually my boyfriend. I just think that to make myself feel better. I think? Get this, he asked me to be his girlfriend on New Years… 4 days later (THE SAME DAMN WEEK) we break up because he just doesn’t want a relationship. Instead of moving on from him what do I do? Of course, like any other dumb needy girl I stay around and here I am– still being the faithful fuck buddy.
My life is shit but I make it look as if I am living the dream life. My friends aren’t even really my friends considering the only thing we have in common are our sex drive and work. Hell the only thing me and my “boyfriend” have in common are our sex drive and work. LOL. Can’t fall asleep early, which leads me to sleeping in until fucking 2 in the afternoon. I haven’t had alcohol in 2 days, and honestly I think that’s a record for me. Usually I at least have a casual beer before bed. I have been considering going and seeing a therapist but if I can’t wrap my head around all of the lies I’ve been living then wtf would he/she think of me?? January is already at an end and I’m just floating by while I watch everyone else build their career. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE YET AND IM 20 GOING ON 21. And no shit I think I am the only one who can say that. I’m not stupid, I know that. I am actually pretty smart, I just have a very poor work drive when it comes to school. I’ve never wrote about myself before, and honestly I can’t tell if this is helping or making me feel worse about myself. SOS help.

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