134. But I am….

 Work. All that the past 10 days has consisted of.

I really enjoy this job with Abco. Suffering in the cold, being on the roof to clean the duct work, isn’t as bad as I expected. The 12 hour shifts constantly, plus long horn, and still cleaning, is what’s beginning to wear me thin. How ever, once I am caught up from the 2 weeks I was out of work, three jobs will be no more. 

The money would be nice, although so would a social life. Having more time with my fur babies. Besides…summer is coming, my physique is coming along nicely, I’m planning to show it off. 

 

Vacation is 17 and a half weeks away. Beach, babes, and bikinis, mmm mmm. 

Most importantly, THE HELL OUT OF THIS TOWN! Some of my closest friends, and not a care in the world. 

 

Things are….beginning to make sense. The past 2 years, the laughs, good times, accomplishments, even the pain, heart break, and rock bottom. For a long time, I began to believe I never was that ‘good guy’ everyone saw. The hopeless romantic, ambitious, hard working, semi intelligent, dorky nerd, every one loved. 

But I am….

What happened?

I lost love for my self, worth in my self. I stop believing I was worth it, simply because others put me down, or made me feel unloved, or unaccomplished in my life. MY LIFE. Not there’s, I don’t need someone to validate who I am, only I can do that. I began letting others define me, in hopes they’d never leave, be who they wanted me to be. At the slightest rock of the boat that I wasn’t good enough, I would jump ship. Friendships, relationships, I’d begin cutting all ties, or finding ways that they would. In an attempt to avoid the heart break of someone else walking out of my life….

People come, and people go…..

            It is simply just life. 

I’ve found my self, somewhere, I picked my self up. I don’t know how, I don’t know when. I knew it 2 days ago, when I was driving down the high way, genuinely smiling, to my self, alone in the car. It hit me at that moment, I don’t have much, but I do have happiness. 

 

Goodnight. 

— I love you, I think I always have, and I know I always will. Thank you, you found me. Saved me, in a sense, it’s sad because you’ll never know. I will have the pleasure to never forget you. Happiness and well  wishes. 

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