Wednesday January 31st

I survived the first month of this year. My depression is way better than it has been in a long time. I am definitely not happy. I still don’t ever feel happy or joyous, but at least I’m not rock bottom depressed. I can survive at this level. The last two years have been the absolute lowest I have ever been for the longest period of time. I just haven’t been able to snap out of it. The prospect of the new job gives me a tiny bit of hope. I just wish I could hear something. Being in a waiting pattern sucks. Once I hear at least that I’m getting an interview, I can start studying and preparing for the interview. I don’t want to do that unless I know. I am afraid it will only make me feel worse that I didn’t even get a shot at it. I don’t understand why Faith didn’t respond to my friend request or message. I cannot imagine she doesn’t remember me. And, then I told her I was her kid’s teacher. Ugh. Why didn’t she respond??? I do know some people don’t want to be FB friends with co-workers, but she is with other co-workers- I have seen them in her friend list. This waiting makes me not want to do any work on my current job. I know I should just power on and try not to think about it until/unless I am contacted, but that’s hard to do. 

It would be so amazing if I got that job, got to buy myself a nice house, got a couple of foster kiddos, and created a new life with a new family. That sounds really nice. 

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