Welcome to Loserdom

Hello journal, or people reading me anonymously. One thing i must clarify:

I have horrible grammar, spelling and writing skills. I think too fast to write and it sometimes can be jumbily.

All names, including mine, will be fake to be strictly confidential. Everything else– complete truth. No b.s here.

so… call me Sarah, I guess.

Without spilling all of my life’s backstory, i’m going to spill all of my life’s backstory. Enjoy!

I am a junior in high school. I would call myself a dumb honors student. Nothing comes naturally to me, because I honestly suck at everything. Im taking haha Ap lit, Ap us, precalc, spanish (yr1), anatomy and Wind Ensemble (basically AP or varsity band(lol i’m so lame)) I’m pretty lax when it comes to grades and life in general. Also in the second jazz band (shit not nearly as good as the first jazz band).

I don’t have a specific friend group I just really enjoy the company of a few individuals:

Athena: she’s been my friend since middle school, but we weren’t close until freshman year. Not the most stable person, but great friend nonetheless. I wouldn’t really know what to do without her.

Leila: we are close. She is VERY christian and though i love her as a person, and our friendship, sometimes, I feel dragged. I cannot truly be myself sometimes. She has trouble getting along with some of my friends. We have a great relationship, and conversation. I just hope she finds someone who can be them self and enjoy Leila and be just as close as we are.

Mary: She a couple years younger than me. And society given off the vibe that it is embarrassing to be best friends. She’s my neighbor. we grew up together. And i am truly myself around her. I am happy. We share the most inside jokes, Philosophies, interests. Its too bad she wasn’t born in 2001 too. She is still stuck in middle school, while i am waiting for her to next year be in the same high school as me.

and lastly, my brothers. Younger brother: Jake. Older brother: Aiden. I relate most to my siblings, we all act very similarly. There are a few differences. I still live with Jake. He is hella smart, goes to a smart people school. And Aiden is moved out, but lives close, and is taking a gap year full of working before jumping back into his final 2 years of college.

yeah.

I have a mom and a dad. They are still together, we all live in the same house. were a pretty average family. My parents are great loving kind people. their just not the most intelligent people on earth. My mom is the only one who works, my dad is a stay at home dad. and we are just average middle-classers that live in the suburbs. we are definitely not rich nor poor. Compared to the kids that go to my school, i’m in the poorer percentage of kids. compared to my relatives in a third world country, we are rich.

So, Overall. I’m just salty about life.(maybe being a little over dramatic. trust me. i love life. and i have many reasons why i love¬† it. its just lately i’ve been tastin some salt.) Here’s why:

-I hate going to school with rich kids. because they have cars.(Cars is a metaphor for materialistic shit they don’t need, but get because they have a lot of money. Also not a metaphor tho, I mean cars literally too.) I do not have a car which automatically makes me a ‘immature dependent fool’

-I hate that I take decently hard classes and have a decent GPA of 3.9 yet I score hella low on standardized tests like psat and ap tests. My psat was 1020 as a junor in the fall. and i failed my ap euro test with a 2. so you best know i’m excited for the SATS and 2 of my upcoming ap tests.

-I have been gaining weight over the past 6 months. now I have to change my diet and try to start working out again.

-I quit dance a few months ago. and still feel like a loser for it. (maybe ill save that long story for another time)

-I only have 2 close friends at school. and i feel like a loser for not ‘belonging’ anywhere.

-When people look at me, they probably automatically think i’m a loser.

-I want to get a real job. I have a job about 6 hours a week, and pays under minimum wage. I want a real job and have tried applying but no one wants me. EVEN TACO BELL REJECTED ME.

-Like landing jobs i’ve had just about the same luck with attracting guys. I would probably rate myself a 6.5. Im average. Short, medium weight, acne. because i’m mixed raced, i look Hispanic or Indian, i am none of which.

-I’m just really socially awkward.

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