Turns out in not Bipolar…

I saw a therapist and psychiatrist today. That bipolar diagnosis I got when I was 12 was wrong. At 31 I noticed that my symptoms of Bipolar only fit on the downs. Up to this point I figured since it’s been my whole life that there was no getting better. I would spend every day wanting to die. I was wrong.

 

I fit into Border Line Personality Disorder. Upside, it’s curable, it’s not hereditary, there are multiple types of support. The way it was described is that when I was a kid going through hell I had to be able to switch my emotions and personality traits on a dime. It was abuse 24/7. I remember shutting my emotions off and refusing to cry when it was time for my beatings and such. This was my defense mechanism. It worked great as a child. As an adult it’s not. I can’t regulate my emotions and I am defensive all the time. I’m depressed. I have minimal friends and it has affected me professionally. 

This is not multiple personalities. I don’t hear voices other than my own thoughts. For once I feel hopefully that I can get to the root of my depression. I don’t want to feel hopeless everyday. 

2 thoughts on “Turns out in not Bipolar…”

  1. Hi, Rache86. I am so glad you found out the diagnosis. They have so much help and Groups around for that. Hope you can find a good place to fight your Depression. Yes, There is always Hope. Each Day brings New Hope. If I can help in any way to help support you, just let me know. Big Teddy Bear Hugs.

  2. I have read your entry. I will say no one is hopeless. You are here for a purpose. You will find that purpose at some time. plus no one is useless either, even if you think that it is not true. Someone will need your light. So shine as much as you can.

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