Back to the dating woes

I recently went on a date with a guy I met online. It should be noted prior to the date, we talked for weeks online. I sent him my number after the first week but he said he’d rather chat online until we met because he’s had bad experiences in the past. 

He was a paramedic who worked around the metro area. Decent looking. Nothing to brag about but I needed a night out. So what Can I say.

We finally decided to meet at a bar he selected. He claimed he hung out there sometimes after work. It was a true dive bar. Old bar maids trashy music and mediocre drinks. 

When I first arrived I was really nervous prior to walking in. I thought I’d walk into some all white hillbilly bar where I wasn’t welcome. **Not my first interracial date btw so I wasn’t just being ignorant. The place just really looked like crap from outside.

When I walked up to the door I was relieved to find a singular black man smacking a cigarette outside the entrance. I thought ok we come here too. Not so bad.

When Itexted “I’m outside” he said he’s right near the door. But he wasn’t he was sitting at the opposite end of the bar by the other door and didn’t expect me to use the entrance in the rear. 

I walked past the many leering eyes until I spotted someone who may or may not have been my date. I’ve never been good at translating photos into real life lol. It’s not a gift I hold.

i walked up and softly smiled hoping for reaction that would confirm I had the right guy. He confirmed and I sat down to join on the bar stools. The waitress came over took my drink order and we began to awkwardly chat while we got a bit more comfortable with one another.

The drinks flowed and of course conversation became more natural and easy to hold. He spent a lot of telling how he hung out in the urban city I live in like it made him more acceptable to me. 

He told me how he went to the “hood bars” and “strip clubs” with a buddy and they were perfectly comfortable. I think he was trying to convince me he was “down” or something. 

After a while I began to feel he spent a little too much time on the subject. It was like heyyyyyyy I get it. You’ve been around black people! It’s not a big deal. If I needed to be convinced I wouldn’t have agreed to go out with you.

The conversation shifted to his job. Of course he was a little cold and detached from the people he helped everyday. I didn’t expect a bleeding heart. I fully understand people in the medical profession see the same thing daily and grow immune to the conditions. So I didn’t hold his callous and at times borderline offense remarks against him. Hey, everyone needs to vent. I’ve always been a good listener.

We sat and talked and made jokes for a while before he asked if we should head to a second bar. agreed and suggested I should ride with him and he could drop me off at my car afterwards. 

Sounds crazy right? Getting in the car with a guy I met online in a city outside of my own headed to a second location I had no assurances I’d make it to. Clearly the drinks had lowered my inhibitions and I didn’t think the decision fully through. 

We headed to his small suv and made our way to the second bar. As we chatted and joked both appropriately and inappropriately he “mistakenly” grazed my breast as if he were just waving his hand. 

When I laughed and didn’t recoil in disgust and fury he repeated the gesture and this time I noticed he was still watching my reaction. I didn’t mind. I was a little arroused and liked the “move” he was making.

We made it to the second bar (which was more white than the first lol). We took a seat at a table and continued to joke and enjoy the night. We had made it to the bar just after 1 so it wasn’t much time spent and the drink was much stronger so after one we were more than ready to head out. 

We drove and talked more and eventually pulled over and made out a bit. We would drive and stop to make out and drive and stop to make out several times. Turning the 10 drive from the second bar back to first almost an hour. 

We finally got back to my truck and began to fool around some more in the lot of the original bar. It wasn’t perfect. What do I mean by that? We My previous suitor who we’ll call E was a surprisingly and extremely talented kisser and knew all the right things to do. When you said move he moved. When you said stop he stopped. 

He was aggressive in all the right ways but yet had a tender touch that I still long for. It should be noted that he too was white and surprised me because other white guys ive dated have seemed too awkward or nervous to be really passionate with a black woman like the rules were somehow different between the races 🙄

E was most likely the best kiss I’ve ever had. And the last guy I’d had any sexual contact with for months prior to this date. So Mr. Paramedic had a lot to live up to and fell short in many ways. But as I said it had been awhile so I mostly enjoyed the physical contact over the quality of it. 

We ended our make out session and made plans to meet in the future. I walked to my truck. He watched and we drove off in our separate directions. After leaving we texted (through the online dating service) a bit more then both made our ways to bed. 

The next day we talked more and then BOOM! He was gone. He’d either blocked or “unmatched” with me and was no longer in my stream of messages. I was confused at first but reality set in quickly. He either had not good enough of a time or too much of a good time and wasn’t interested in continuing on. 

I sunk into a little cloud of woe and debated whether or not to continue using the site. This went on for an hour before I decided to make a fake profile and try to rematch with him to set a grand scheme in motion. 

I thought I would rematch with him as another woman and get him to agree to go out then show up with another date and flirt shamelessly in his face like HA YA BASTARD I DONT NEED YOU! I searched for a photo set up a fake account and scanned profiles for hours only matching with guys with his name and age. 

After a few hours with no luck I finally decided I was being insane and deleted the fake profile views to move on. Yet weeks later I still have not quite done so. 

Even though we didn’t know one another and it certainly wasn’t a match that was already headed to the aisle I did like a night of companionship and wanted at least a few more before we parted ways.

From the very first time he mentioned he didn’t want to text me I did have the thought what if we go out and he blocks me afterwards. But I proceeded anyway and that thought came true.

im not heartbroken or even really upset about it. Just annoyed. I’m not a stalker. Yes I know the irony of that statement having just written that I tried to stalk him a little. But I’m not a crazy person. I just had a good night and was pissed a guy basically acted like a guy.

i have to grow into a woman who realizes men will get what you give. If you give up a little too much they will take a little too much and move on and leave you dazed and confused.

So to the paramedic FUCK YOU! But also have a nice life and be safe because even though you weren’t very nice you only did what I allowed to happen and some of that blame lands at my feet.

I haven’t gone out since and have stopped responding to messages from other suitors. I want to get back into the game but I won’t lie I’m a bit shaken by the abrupt and cruel ending. 

🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️

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